Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A mundane tragedy for the day.

Waiting at the bus stop after a particularly difficult therapy session, on the phone with my mom about going on meds, an older gentleman seated next to me suddenly interrupts my phone conversation to say "You're okay."

He said it again and again. I looked at him and said a polite "Thank you" a few times to sort of gauge how aware of himself he was. It seemed really important to him that he talk to me so I told my mom I had to go.

He said "I just wanted to tell you, ma'am, you're okay. I know it don't always feel that way, but you're okay. You are."

I stared at him. I said "Thank you" again, too quietly. He said "Helloo?" and I sort of nodded. My bus came. I got up and he kept looking at me. I thought about offering my hand but didn't. I thought about saying something but didn't. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to cry in front of a stranger. I didn't want to miss my stupid bus. So I turned away and got on the bus.

I wish I hadn't. I regret it so much. I regretted it the moment I sat down.

I should have missed my bus. I should have asked him how he knew.

Should have, should have, didn't.

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